Is It Okay to Travel After the Death of a Loved One?

Is it okay to travel after the death of a loved one? I get asked this question more than almost any other, usually by someone holding a plane ticket in one hand and a wave of guilt in the other.

Here is what I have come to believe, both from my own grief and from hosting hundreds of people on a grief trip: yes. It is okay. Not because travel fixes anything. It does not. But because the fear underneath the question, that going somewhere beautiful while you are in pain is somehow a betrayal, is not actually true.

Grief does not stay behind when you board a flight. It travels with you. It sits in the window seat and it wakes you up in the hotel room at 4am. So the question is never really "will I still be grieving if I go." You will. The real question is whether you can let yourself be present, imperfectly, in a life that is still happening around your loss.

Joy and sadness are not opposites that cancel each other out. On the small group grief trips I run in Portugal, Morocco, Bali and the Maldives, I have watched someone laugh until they cried at dinner, then go quiet an hour later, missing their person so much it hurt. Both things were true. Neither one made the other less real.

That is not a contradiction. It is simply what it looks like to carry grief while still being alive in a life that continues, with or without your permission. You do not need to wait until you feel ready, or until the grief feels smaller, or until you have earned the right to see something beautiful again. You only need to be willing to bring the grief with you and let it exist alongside whatever else you find out there, including rest, connection, and yes, joy.

If you are waiting for permission to travel again, consider this your permission: it is okay. It was always okay.